At the tender age of 13, everything seemed (over dramatically) over. I now had to carry around my medication (both the NR and NPH - types of insulins), syringes, a gluco-meter (not so little gizmo that reads the sugar/glucose in your blood), a glucogon (in case I were to pass out - works like an epipen does for someone who's eaten something they shouldn't have) and glucose-tablets (in case I were to go into hypoglycemia). At a first glance, yeah, it's not much... but that's just space being taken up in one's bag which can be used to hold other things.
Following a strict diet, not being able to binge on little treats anymore seemed like such a devastating thing to be going through. Given, I wasn't the skinniest kid in the class before this. So in a way, I had that coming. If being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes was the only way for me to start being more aware to being healthy, then I'm kinda glad it happened. Our cue to go see the doctor was when I had lost over 30lbs in less than a month. I had noticed but at the time I didn't care. I thought that maybe my body was going through something extra-ordinary post-puberty. My mother had noticed and wondered if I had started doing something... "stupid". When that wasn't the case, we decided it was time to pay a visit to our physician.
After a few tests, the doctor had sent us straight to the Children's Hospital for more tests. Not exactly the way I had anticipated in spending part of my holidays at the hospital. With doctors and nurses running around and trying to keep me awake (I was unexplainably exhausted and wanted to sleep, but according to the staff there, they were told to do everything to prevent me from sleeping). With questions being asked about my diet, my social life, school life, these inspirational individuals did their best to keep me occupied. With my eyes fighting to stay awake as my body felt like it was going to shut down, they finally diagnosed me with what I have today.
Going through the history of family health with my mother, we realized that no one else in the family had Type 1 diabetes and that I was the first. This is always a question that lingers at the back of my mind, "how is it that I'm the only one?" How do these things happen?
After a long afternoon and late evening of questions and talks with doctors, nurses, psychologists, I was able to conclude that I was stuck with this for the rest of my life, and that I would always have to think about my diabetes first. Yeah, makes sense... but later on I came to realize that this would affect plans for travel, moving to other countries or continents, my choice in work later on in life, and just my life in general.
Well.
F*ck me.
I felt so discouraged after this moment. Realizing that whatever path I do decide to follow later on in life, my first question for this future employer would be, "are there health benefits?". Or if I wanted to travel for more than two weeks outside the city, "will I be able to take out enough medication?"... or if I have to move, "how hard will it be to find a doctor to keep prescribing what I need to stay alive?"
Doctors and nurses tell me that I don't need to worry about things like that. That I will continue to live a "normal" life. Hm... well, as "normal" as being diabetic will let me I guess. "Did you know that Halle Berry is diabetic as well?" Yeah, well, she also has enough money to keep herself stocked with the medication and health benefits she needs. What about those who struggle to get by? How does knowing Halle Berry being diabetic help them (no offence)?
9 years ago, this was all hard for me to take in and accept. 9 years ago I didn't have enough faith and control over my life anymore. 9 years ago I let the diabetes control me.
Today...
Today I am in my fourth and final year at Concordia University. I am in control of my diabetes. Yes, there are days where I struggle to keep my blood measurements between 4.0-7.0, but I do my best to do so. I run 30 minutes every day and do an additional 30 minutes of muscle toning/yoga. I try to stay away from goodies and candy (much better than when I was in high school and cegep)... but once in a while I'll let myself cheat and have something small. I am getting better at carb counting and being able to give myself the proper amount of medication to keep my sugar levels where they need to be.
I am a full time student. I am a teaching and research assistant. I am a receptionist. I am a friend, daughter and sister. I am a sound engineer, producer, designer and aspiring DJ. I am studying something that I genuinely enjoy doing. I have travelled to places I never thought I'd go to. I have a great diabetic team at the Montreal General who care about what I do and how I do it. I am healthy.
More than that, I have friends and family who will always be there for me. I have come a long way and look forward to December 27th 2012 where I can celebrate getting through a decade of living with Type 1 diabetes. And hopefully by then, I will have grown in experience and have something deeper to share.
Things happen for a reason, reasons for which we can never fully understand. But when they do, the best thing to do is just make the best of it. Take control of it and realize how it can benefit you rather than slow you down.
Just something to think about.
The happiest of holidays to all of you and your loved ones. And a very blessed new year!
Cheers,
C. xoxo
Just a lil' sumthin' sumthin' - this is a beautiful acoustic mashup I found earlier today of Stereo Hearts by Collin McLoughlin. Enjoy it!
